This is girl trapepd inside the fat suit
Lately, I have done a lot of thinking about getting my shit together. I’ haven’t been doing a lot of things that I was doing in the beginning when I started out on this weight loss journey. Such as Zumba. I think that I just basically got tired of trying to make my body do something that it couldn’t do. I also thing that it kind of sucks that I have to depend on my mom so much simply because I don’t drive. I want to go back to the Lakeshore Foundation and go for brief workout in the pool. Especially since our heat pump is currently out of whack. I feel like I need a good pick me up, or something. I have a goal that I want to reach. I want to be slimmer for my graduation, but at the rate that I’m losing weight its like taking forever. Now, I know that I didn’t arrive where I’m at today overnight,but that’s sure as hell what it feels like. I used to tell myself that I was just stuck in a fat suit and that the zipper was caught up in the suit some kind of way keeping me trapped. Keeping me from revealing my true self. If only someone could take a pin and stick inside the suit and I would fly like a balloon when all the gas is realised from it and I would be totally free.
At one point I was actually starting to think that it was cool to be a larger size young woman. I looked up to Monique when she was a bigger luscious woman. I would say gosh if she can make being big, beautiful, and luscious work then, so can I. Then, when her movie PHAT GIRLZ came out omg I began to think that maybe I was living in the wrong country. I felt like maybe I need to hop my big ass over to Africa where I can be treated like a thick madam. You know a place where the size of the woman is appreciated, but how soon did I have to come back down to reality. For one I’ve never been on a plane a day in my life, and two I had to worry about if I was going to be able to fit my big ass in those small ass seats. After, that African mean started blown up my yahoo messenger account. I was like Yeah Boy!( in my Flavor Flav voice.) Then, again that was another damn bust. All those men from Nigeria were nothing but con artists trying to get a damn green card, visa to come to the United States.
I’ve even came to the point where I began to question myself well, damn what is it? I’m I setting my standards to high ? because these men aren’t making the cut, or is it true about what I’ve been told for years that men don’t like larger women. I actually was starting to believe that, and I still do.
After the last guy that I spent three long as years getting to know just disappeared into thin air. I declared that I wasn’t going to get close to another man until I got my shit together. I’m still working on it. As of this moment I just look at some of these find men that I see when I do go shopping or anything. Which reminds me just the other day I was in Family Dollar in Fairfield, Alabama when I was standing by a buggy just talking to my mom. When suddenly this guy walked up and said, excuse me are you using this buggy. I told him no, I wasn’t using it. Now, I’m thinking that was supposed to have been the end of the conversation. So he tried it again, and said, are you using this buggy,but before I could say something my mom jumped in and was like no, she’s not using the buggy,but she can use you. After my mom said, that he was like oh I’m taken already. These men are such a trip.
My tip for the day would be. To love and respect yourself. Don’t lose weight, or whatever the case may be for you( just to get a man.) Men will be here until it’s the end of the world. Learn to look within yourself to find yourself to find your self-worth. Don’t be in a rush (I’m stilling learning this one.) When we rush things we often get the very worst of things. Be patient. (I’m still learning that one too.) God is taken us on this Journey for a reason. If a man, or woman is in your life one day, and then gone the next, that just mean it’s not your season. It’s not your time to receive the blessings that God has in store for you. Last, but certainly not least. Always be true to yourself. If you can’t be honest with yourself first then, hell you can’t be honest with anyone. If you don’t take anything else from reading this. Know that God loves you and I love you too. We’re all queens waiting on our kings, but until that time comes I’m keeping my heart under lock and key and focusing more on me and reaching my weight loss goals.